100 Random truths about Emmi Jo.

1. I have a birthmark on my right breast that has been mistaken for a third nipple on multiple occasions.  I now consider it a bulls-eye for nights when I am rockin my “big tips bra.”
2. I hate Styrofoam. 
3. I wear the pearl earrings my mom was married in every day.  My dad gave them to her.
4. I sometimes wipe my boogers on the side of my driver’s seat in my car on road trips.
5. I don’t ever want to have children.
6. I may be the worst at watering my plants out of everyone I know.
7. I have been fired from four jobs.  Once for drinking with my residents when I was an RA, another time for not telling the parents that the 15 year old I was a nanny for threw a party that I walked in on (and dismantled), the third was because the boss thought I was “unhappy and it was unfair to me” and a few months ago because my coworker toilet papered my bosses car while at a cater-out and I was there (but too chicken shit to do it myself).
8. I sucked my fingers until I was in middle school and my mom told me I would get bugs in my tummy.
9. When I was little, I had a really bad haircut (bowl cut) and was mistaken for a boy.  My mom took me to get my ears pierced that same day.
10. I loved to play sports when I was younger and my dad was always the coach.  He tells me now today that although I tried harder than anyone else, I was never very good.
11. I love men in Converse Sneakers.
12. I aspire to be earthy, intelligent, creative, humble, classic, and beautiful.
13. I used to believe that love was like Bryan Adams sang in “Everything I Do.”  Now I don’t believe in it at all.
14. I love to turn up bad early nineties music and drive embarrassingly slow around cute guys when my friends are in the car.
15. I miss living with my parents.
16. One of my hands is a completely different size than the other.
17. I don’t have a single picture displayed in my home.
18. I love to make collages.  I always have.
19. My perfect day involves the sun, a cute dress and heels, martinis, antique shopping, cocktail hour on the porch with my parents, a round of golf (hitting balls) into the field at my parents’ house (usually during cocktail hour), dancing with my girlfriends and a hot and heavy hookup with a sexy stranger (or not-so-stranger).
20. I am passively thinking about a way to give up my car.
21. I think I may want to work for an environmentalist company.
22. I have yet to be satisfied with my life.
23. My favorite place in the world is the Grand Place de Bruxelles.  Add rain on the cobblestones and I am in heaven.
24. I love to write poetry– completely self-centered, raw, superficial, over-emoted poetry.
25. I sometimes imagine what would happen if I were hit by someone running a red light.
26. I still want to use the names I had previously picked out for my kids.  Ellie Mae, Gracie Jo, Micheal Chris, Phillip Gunner.
27. More often than not, I don’t really like my sister.  (She doesn’t really like me either.)
28. If I could force myself to vomit, I probably would.
29. I am in love with my new pink laptop.
30. I haven’t worn a watch in eight years.  Ever since non-verbal communication where I realized how much of my day was spent on thinking about where I had to go next rather than enjoying the moment.
31. I started doing crossword puzzles last year because I heard it improved your vocabulary.  I am working my way up from the “fast and easy” ones.
32. I had my bellybutton pierced when I was 16 in Belgium.  I almost pierced my tongue but my mom told me I had to “remove it before entering the states.” 
33. I now see bellybutton piercings as incredibly cliche and tacky.
34. I pick my face.  It is worse now at 25 than it was in high school.
35. My girlfriends and I name the men we have had sex with.  A few of mine: Tantric Hairball, Wiener Boy, The Snake Handler, The Aussie, The Knappa Daddy, The Coastie…
36. I have more orgasms when I am single than when I am dating someone.
37. Although ponytails gross me out, the last three guys I have “dated” had one.
38. I will someday both dread my hair and shave my head.
39. All of the art on my walls has come from local artist in the towns I have lived.
40. I judge people at the Goodwill by how much crap they are buying.
41. I wear mostly all black because I heard way back when that it was flattering.
42. I used to bury my sister’s favorite doll Blackie in the back yard.  She was not black, just covered in dirt.
43. I love Robin Hood.  Next to my dad, he is my favorite super hero. 
44. Dances with Wolves was the first movie I saw that had a sex scene in it.  I watched it over and over again and quickly fell in love with Kevin Costner.  He will have my heart forever after playing Robin Hood in the Prince of Thieves.
45. I am a Scorpio and have found that the other women I don’t tend to like are as well.
46. I love to put my makeup on now that I have fancy brushes with which to apply it.
47. I wouldn’t work if I didn’t have to.  I would, however, volunteer.
48. I am currently $$ thousands in debt.  It is the only thing currently keeping me from packing up and running away to start a new life somewhere else.
49. I chewed off the nose of my teddy-bear Missey when I was old enough to know better and slept with her still while I was in college (until she lost an eye).
50. I wear fake glasses because I like the look of them.
51. One of my favorite phrases/ inside jokes is “talk nerdy to me.”
52. I used to pick up garden snakes with sticks, put them into garbage cans, and shake them up.
53. I love sleeping with my cat, Jessie Girl.
54. I will never again wear horizontal stripes.  I had a guy friend turn to me while wearing them one day and say, “you didn’t think that looked GOOD did you?”
55. My grandma Joann calls me Emmi Jo.  She is also the reason I go by Gertrude.  She had a stuffed goose names Gertrude and somehow that translated into me being called Gertrude– it stuck and I like it.
56. I love sausage.  I could very easily be a vegetarian, except for sausage.  I am working my way into the meatless sausage products– starting with meatless hotdogs.  So far, not bad; but then again, anything is tolerable with enough ketchup.
57. I prefer most things to be luke warm rather than hot.  Food, tea, weather… So far I only have two exceptions: sex and bath water.
58. I lived in Belgium for a year as an exchange student.  I was the fat American.  That happened while I was over there– When I left the states I looked like this, and somehow via the wonder of chocolate and beer this is what my body morphed itself into.
59. Solely because of the weight gain, I don’t know if I would do it again if I could go back and do it over.
60. I want my body to be donated to science after all usable organs are used to help save lives when I die.
61. My dream cottage has a labyrinth in the back yard.
62. I love I Spy books and will always have at least one in my coffee table book collection for friends to flip through.
63. I someday want to publish a coffee table book of my own.
64. S Club 7 has a special place in my heart. Blame it on Belgium.
65. My favorite book is Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.
66. I have broken my collar bone three times.  Once falling off a bunk-bed during a nap and another during a soccer game in high school… The third time seems to be missing from my memory.
67. I used to love to catch frogs.  I was a real country girl growing up.
68. Of my 60+ pairs of shoes, none involve any sort of lacing.
69. Butter on my fingers is one of the most disgusting things I have ever felt.  Gross.
70. I lost my virginity in a Ford Ranger parked at the beach.
71. My favorite comic strip is Pearls Before Swine.
72. I am extremely uncomfortable around religious paraphernalia.  There is currently a really creepy crucifix in my living room.
73. I have almost been thrown out of Annie’s (Astoria’s nudie bar) for getting handsy with my friend Brie– we were distracting attention from the strippers.
74. I have never drank coffee.
75. I think that smokers are less intelligent merely for the fact that they smoke.  Very judgmental.  Very true.
76. I ended up being the girl who went to college, found the man she was going to marry, and gave up on forming any dreams of her own outside of his.  I have since learned from my mistake.
77. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year.  I think it is the easiest disorder to be diagnosed with.  What a load of crap.
78. I can relate anything in life to Friends.
79. I wipe asses for a living at the moment and have gotten past the point where I can lie to myself, pretending that it is satisfying.
80. I only wear underwear when I am dating someone.  Otherwise, it is too much hassle with pantie lines and extra hand wash laundry. 
81. I used to believe I could fly and had the most vivid dreams about the adventures around the block I would take.  Imagine me as a five year old, taking a running leap off the bulkhead and continuing to run through the air.  If I stopped running, I would fall.  I still have this dream sometimes ;)
82. I can easily spend the whole day in bed writing on my laptop.
83. I still fantasize about my high school boyfriend even though he has been to prison and back and is no longer attractive to me.
84. I think if I had lived back in the early 1900’s or late 1800’s I would have been burned at the stake for being a witch.  It’s just a feeling I have.
85. I believed I was stabbed in a past life (marked by my birthmark) and attribute my fear of being stabbed in this life to it.
86. I don’t think death is the worst thing to happen to someone.
87. I don’t think babies are as cute as people make them out to be.
88. I absolutely love Get Over It.  I only have it on a VHS and the sound is completely distorted, but I still watch it as often as possible.
89. I have this bad habit of blacking out when I drink too much.  On the bright side, I usually don’t remember the embarrassing part of the evening and I don’t get hung over.
90. I love to shop for vintage everything.  It is the loop hole to my not wanting to be a consumer plan.
91. I believe that abstinence education is a great way to keep women pregnant and out of high paying jobs.
92. I will always support gay couple’s rights to marry.
93. I always wanted to be on a makeover show, but don’t actually want to be on TV.
94. I hate going to the dentist. 
95. I am prone to fainting spells and once almost fainted while watching a carpel tunnel surgery in the OR.
96. I am beginning to think that my mom is right when she says I don’t have the ability to follow through with things.
97. I have subscriptions to Martha Stewart Living, Domino, Glamour, In Style, Lucky, Body & Soul, Mary Englebright’s Home Companion, and Cottage Living.
98. I used to speak fluent French, but haven’t used my bilingual skills in quite some time.
99. I once fell into a fire pit while drinking.  That same night I woke up in a tent between the Ameila twins with one of their pants over my head.  One of two nights I drank in high school.
100. I have traveled to Australia, Austria, Belgium, England, Germany, Italy, The Netherlands, France, Canada, and Mexico.